


One Sentence Smutfics - what it says on the till

by Anonymous



Category: Atlantis (UK TV), Teen Wolf (TV), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), Vikings (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom Derek, Bottom Derek Hale, Dori doesn't like chocolate and Gandalf is an opportunist shit, Dori sucks at using phones, Dwarf Courting, F/F, Food Sex, Genital Tattoo, Interrogation sex, Interspecies, Kili's blue dress, Library Sex, Light BDSM, Lingerie, M/M, Mermaid and Siren love, Muscles Kink, One Sentence Smutfic, Polyandry, Public Sex, Pythagoras likes Jason in cleats, Rare Pairings, Red Lingerie, Tattoo artist Ori, a collection of smut, bottom!Azog, bottom!Thranduil, bunny!Dwalin, call girl!Pythagoras, or really making up dwarf courting with red lingerie, orcs have cloacas and dwarves phalluses, ricest, wolf!Ori
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i decided, since i can't really write and don't want to stop, to provide you all with one sentence smutfics. send me one word, or prompt, or kink, or pairing, in my <a href="http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/ask">askbox</a> or as a comment, and i do my best to make it the filthiest most panties-moistening sentence i can fathom.<br/>femslash and slash only, please and thank you. what i categorically do not do here: non-con, crossgencest, abuse.<br/>(structure: top/bottom, Hobbit, BBCAtlantis, TeenWolf, Vikings, NEW!chapter#)</p><p>Hobbit: 1-23<br/>BBC Atlantis: 24-9<br/>Teen Wolf: 30-33<br/>Vikings: 34-5</p><p>NEW: ch23: Nori/Dwalin (femslash), ch33: Danny/Isaac</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Apples", Ori/Nori, slash, The Hobbit

**Author's Note:**

> for the sake of our peace of mind, everything is consensual. assume that everything is discussed beforehand and every is a-ok with what'S going on.

[veraverorum](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=Z-2FTx-2F1U3iXhjFW-2BOoXkuOWTowTs3lGv5hlOXAPpBsNb9bN1QT1xuexcjf9pXh0xrp5MXH8d-2BRWPDBkGOBAvd6Tb-2B2l-2Fz-2FMAJRcF7CpZ4HIKa-2FZf7J-2FPG4zsR3tFhTwfsaCbnu055r-2BuQsHb9BkJyVhmOAWAIJbPKhJsHpglkIJ4-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwg8N3OoXZuzK2GK2kuFv3O-2BzVjCXo0UIJ0u6ekPD-2FTSAt6nCPov-2FPnahzAYmo-2F3YQuyiSmS50oUBOyliYuGEjZ7iuEvPY39tL9ztH-2FCW-2FDr72AZ6Ho8rvoVOpUxZof7REHPtIelORoj33YPrR0gEVkcIfT0kzquXbGQQYPinoQhFXlnzBt6AZr6nCEAI1WVyhM-3D) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75ogX7vNEhXx6lYM2fYAd20PtF5DfFbDdg5hVjVNTAOqULCWpk92qEAzx3Nn2l-2F-2FhaltyM-2BdCqY4yzkKcMHPWEzSektoiBfdYRAMGv-2FE-2FQbaQel7H98FkItybzILnZ9OEXhuK962DgAffoD5M08kiHqDK1vj0uV8puIB5i-2B-2Fh1aa4dYekw5aQ4OZkJoZWNIIHGiA-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwg8N3OoXZuzK2GK2kuFv3O-2BqPARX8oBP-2BaoUMh3ztCNu0GdjDBV7zEBhCMu95KcEN4Pjj8wlD6dAvXbDbxVwPxIuo-2F9aCHPfg0WKjuCEoqphuc1fPwUu5R1KwL5w46Zp67qiFbEVPDp6cQSmVzlKpROTueM9Zb3Kxs8KbYQmzDNDzXHVNnYpWgLVMRa47AjQRk-3D): [apple](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64045570631/veraverorum-replied-to-pandeimos-apple-does-it) (does it count as promt?)

Nori fists the sheets, his hair sticks to his skin, intermingling with semen, sweat and sweet juice in a sticky mess; he sinks his teeth in the apple when Ori thrusts in deeply, biting into the core, feeling the juices dribble down his chin and cock to drip hypnotically on fine purple drapery.


	2. Thorin/Azog, bottom!Azog, slash, The Hobbit

[dwarfsmut](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=LPcHv2k-2BjVyBJlfmxLZKwqJEmnDZmhAebliD9KINEU3ptsxaFWo44IHMR8rJL6L-2BIggI8Sr6y5h4jY4PfUMHO0n9ScxMUS6i3kH7B1MMxk-2BMsvDi4UcZSh1iTeJ33wmPsSreLHPkTKTp9cu3vkShGLYAnCWb-2FxIjNyPZ1UQKq0w-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwhrXeD-2FVocr1n24VCe-2BATGwWOnWB2szAY2ZvbgtYvNvt8as3NLB2sAh7SqktmP3pQdJc0SNOMk4msQUbEloJqVr0lju9v2PafEBF62TeMDNBtzAAWIxhZUTs4eBwovpmlmfOoyok6ywjLFvtzrZWo8E4G5-2FEnd3VPr2d5FGS67gsmudMnS5Cv6lnygyBnWT89eDeyOgFNRfHI5TgV-2FsM9g4) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75ojAu6EjuJlGiKFuHWTSCN5Z1QM8TfKwDnwfFCwA6B5OTKtFVQ63S-2BoIlGocL5m0fD1l94Wb83riPd8Jz9aApPG8Kh1rk0tZTUKVqmlF9hQYEL50Te-2FeY0P-2B4tJtxk6xXDmWeBVglSAG3rjFF1fDA1FbBSCw4Adj2XD-2ByjCOJMaL1VOfUslP2C-2FlxZuKAUlcaMc-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwhrXeD-2FVocr1n24VCe-2BATGwZDlEOa7BXWmNY6f0ExiW1hlbqJO-2FIzWD-2BbyOpKkQm7aroe-2FDh2tXpw6PGqQjF1uU-2BPWlcYzDbKUrwbx2bsspeAKM1nar-2FKjXp-2BseFD4sq5NoGYDxz5aiLiMCUdpaJYp9OOWSUTiYF-2FN1PjjElWj5F-2FqVEXDLrmkMBZT9caxBK3uOrvVUNQYhXFpx8kCGXtqK): [thorin/azog](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64085583493/dwarfsmut-replied-to-pandeimos-thorin-azog-3) :3

Thorin's muscles bunch under Azog's massive hands with ever forward thrust, but the Mad King of Dwarves grabs the wrists by their collar before his Captive could sink its sharp claws in his flesh, and shoved the bald head further into the furs for greater leverage.


	3. Bofur/Nori, slash, The Hobbit

[guldfiskn](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=-2FVxg2bqWNUMFPWGvedj26T3bI1eX58xo8-2BbJim8RVppdpq81im0WAfXUIMKTKA6yKqFo4tM9diCNNSD4fF-2BUjTknSumbCCX1cwEu-2FLPqukgV4dpC7gdRMo3zx6HUThUACgmcDAkcCT8gaoghz3XVJ5z5CFrKF6d5xdo7HWuDfLU-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwh7QKuk2qVyna0okSgi4jL6YYXrokYvJGppmsZo-2BGEGIamVn5Ch1Xb-2FJLfoWMZysOkiaugzK5Mrt7eBfWE99IDzuJNHWiJJtd3n5u7l563GNKdNE9h1caZWo1Hs2YcvtmRLNywu1VZrmleWW7PYvu7J3IJZSX3yTUH67VORqI0WqIlxwjL7ZcvJUJ2TJLC-2FXpc-3D) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75ojAu6EjuJlGiKFuHWTSCN5Z1QM8TfKwDnwfFCwA6B5OTKtFVQ63S-2BoIlGocL5m0fD1l94Wb83riPd8Jz9aApPG8Kh1rk0tZTUKVqmlF9hQYEL50Te-2FeY0P-2B4tJtxk6xXDmWeBVglSAG3rjFF1fDA1FbBSCw4Adj2XD-2ByjCOJMaL1VOfUslP2C-2FlxZuKAUlcaMc-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwh7QKuk2qVyna0okSgi4jL6XsOGLWGAnG0J-2BH4cflB9iZks4DkXDWTUpXe5cDSempQ5AjPCrM1wzWXWcnCoIY0-2Bpso-2BrAJW5syioE9fYLXXvV8q83e8MJCdXWy9-2Bzu7JLYJUJS8EltpZmhu7Vq0aCSzk5-2Fvv3Dqgw2i08fyvqLvzwnBib0Iuo2nDBFxMqt2oFM-3D): since you're asking so politely: [Bofur/Nori](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64088371409/guldfiskn-replied-to-pandeimos-since-youre-asking) (you really should've seen this coming!)

Nori bent his head back a an awkward angle, trying to focus on unlocking the manacles that have him shackled to the bed; a particular jab at his insides sent his spine curving inwards and knees jerking, uselessly, the bar holding them apart as sturdy as the wooden cock sliding in him next to a smug Bofur.


	4. "Velvet", Kili/Ori Femslash, The Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [velvet uwu](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64112331922/velvet-uwu)

Ori keened at the scratch marks left on her sweating thighs and arching back, wrists tethered to the headboard, mind delirious to the contrasting sensations of the delicious pain and the torturous soft cloth of Kili's velvet blue dress surrounding her entire body from behind.


	5. Kili/Nori, femslash, The Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [I challenge you to write Kili/Nori](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64115311881/i-challenge-you-to-write-kili-nori-p) :P

Nori didn’t hate Kili, no, she loved the princess dearly, and her quick tongue too, but damn it, there is a time and place for smirking, and this was one for fucking hard, dusty precious old books be damned!


	6. "Tea" Bilbo/Dori, slash, implied bdsm, The Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [tea](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64115937940/tea)

Bilbo combed his fingers through long silvery locks, softly shushing his beloved’s hitched breaths; he reached over and offered Dori a sip of fresh brew, briefly reassured himself of his submissive’s wellbeing before tightening the restraints on unyielding limbs.


	7. Bilbo/Nori, slash, The Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [Bilbo/Nori](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64117135078/bilbo-nori-ewe-sorry-for-spamming-i-am-quite-bored-at) èwé

Nori is torn back into the world of the sober and clear-minded when Gandalf lets out a deep, rumbling snore, echoed by everyone else’s from the drugged tea; his chest heaving, his hair disheveled and beard undone, his mind is quick to wander once more as Bilbo shoves his face back to the wall and pounds his wits out of his ears, lecturing him on the merits of honesty and the value of silver spoons.


	8. "Peach", Ori/Thorin, slash, The Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [peach](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64117573996/peach)

Ori licks his lips, the juice running down his cheeks, mustache and beard with each wet bite, purposely letting the sweetness run down his hands as Thorin sits mutely at the head of the table, heart and cock throbbing unevenly and promise in his eyes.


	9. "Ori/Nori-in-a-dress", slash, The Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [Ori/Nori-in-a-dress](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64118227779/ori-nori-in-a-dress)

Nori leans his forehead against the cool, refreshing surface, catching his breath while Ori kisses his neck and bare shoulders, rubbing himself against his older brother, tenderly tying the knots on his corset and smoothing his frock back down his legs, covering whatever residual fluids still leak down his thighs.


	10. "Coral", Thorin/Dwalin Femslash (monster!AU), The Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [coral](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64118894338/coral)

Dwalin feels the air spurt out in bubbles before her as she is thrown into and dragged down the sea, and Thorin’s slick scales shine, contrasting darkly against her own dark and heavy feathers, as the single length of muscle and colour circles her sturdy body tightly; cold lips and sharp teeth cover her own, sharing breath, and Dwalin allows herself to be lost in Thorin’s strength, coral scratching her back and schools of rainbow fish twirling around them.

(part of my [Song For Love](../../824639/chapters/1565120) verse, where thorin is a mermaid and dwalin is a siren and monsters are anthropophagus. how’s that for underwater sex? :D)


	11. "pink and/or punk", Ori/Dwalin, slash, The Hobbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i would like to point out here that i am as knowledgeable in pink and punk as i am in haiku. which is not at all.)

[tagath](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=l8-2FE9RTn74DJY1L9po9eul33RfNGmugBOdh3Bem1p84IUC6niQs5ZJ5Tb2PT-2FkNia9g4L7wvGUM1K5CNTyu1VBZb4t5BtkK2YnNNsctE7w9-2BTz261LNGwhdsderU2xwVouP1nwE6nFxhsU0f2mk0tSg8u-2FDi-2BK-2Fn-2FWf-2BwYeNUP8-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwhHEchsctccyGqYREdgLSmT1m8aArpeNtbR1AFIKUtNI7fNRgejFLsFiezkH91c-2B3PzMTUn7Qy2-2B8oVLolxNaUzYJ8L7pPlwpcgBNsr13iK4xXAyZlIzljzuROM-2Fl-2FQkWPWUQOQ7gL-2Bwb3pOPyxhZlRPyJIG9w4X2jbDZKWoJX3TJqm19aK-2FgZHuCKT4iXizXCieGySaHy20aaXiZRHG0ax) asked a question: [pink and/or punk](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64120911843/tagath-asked-a-question-pink-and-or-punk-i)

Dwalin makes himself comfortable on the leather chair, pants off and legs spread wide; Ori focuses on the penis, snapping the latex gloved and dabbing the antiseptic; Dwalin watches, mesmerized, as the dragons on the younger man’s arms dance with the shifting of muscle and tendons, hisses every now and then as the needles pierce his flesh repeatedly; his hearts throbs violently, the feel of cotton swabs on his smarting penis, dabbing away excess ink, and the sight of a pink tongue and the shine of metal seared into his mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ok, really long sentence and i made having a genital tattoo sexy. am i good, or am i good?)


	12. bunny/wolf, Ori/Dwalin, slash, The Hobbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (clarification: this is the conclusion of [this little darling ♥.](../../730814/chapters/1423265) in case it’s not clear, dwalin is a bunny, ori is a wolf.)

[theninjaprincess](http://theninjaprincess.tumblr.com/) asked: [Dwalin/Ori](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64191907329/dwalin-ori)

Dwalin’s hind leg twitches as hard as he comes, pounding mutely on the soil of his gardens, provoking the little wolf behind him with the vibrations into a quicker pace, and in return Ori’s knot and precise jabs send sharp tingles up his spine to the tip of his jerking ears.


	13. "Not Mine", dori/thorin/dwalin, slash, The Hobbit

****[veraverorum](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=Z-2FTx-2F1U3iXhjFW-2BOoXkuOWTowTs3lGv5hlOXAPpBsNb9bN1QT1xuexcjf9pXh0xrp5MXH8d-2BRWPDBkGOBAvd6Tb-2B2l-2Fz-2FMAJRcF7CpZ4HIKa-2FZf7J-2FPG4zsR3tFhTwfsaCbnu055r-2BuQsHb9BkJyVhmOAWAIJbPKhJsHpglkIJ4-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwhivGGbF6ZChWfsKXYCWW-2BCHc7oH08bafO778t4oQIKues8d4o10-2Fyyr52X1g4AHwsN0jKHQnZ-2B9xLzqkXw1n5PcEf70pOoC8LBBewwypDvEYY36uxwriH2gXl6jRXYdsghusV4lkU4VUl6ObTthwrT7VOyuAtYJhmS6-2B2EPObFGH1Orl01Q8os1Ynsbu77n34-3D) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75ojT2eNW5W352IKFzQ5Rj-2BvaIaQNqBu-2BgIXbTt-2Bm7hCaH-2Bnnwd5poZJ9ZWcmozRkUxaWlZCzPsK16iryJbn46DRM67qXr1AohKOEBc1xMVqwN6VqzAUhGDTU-2F16erarnZO0aJWRxxo8t947oPThG7yEKBn-2FlqguIRkuRW6t-2FgLnZGpi7RkviJXqfiF9W9NjWx-2Fg-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwhivGGbF6ZChWfsKXYCWW-2BCOOr-2BbOlrw-2F5Wr3qy4PfzRWym6WMGYtPMdNbQJpfmxT57UGW7OeADeUGqUH0SgGp2ZBxev19eah8-2FxIsh4kfa5LwNB0qEJIDBpRZTSzUa8OXBE-2F5XY3zFZvncliYYwiF3hcE6d7u4E4YuwuQ9oXWJJcTpUKV4g-2B872ga9uWYFhCA-3D): [not mine](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64220048119/veraverorum-replied-to-pandeimos-not-mine-the) (the hobbit)

Red frills adorn the furniture, most of the fabric still swaying and some of it still moist; Dori blushes deep, denying any and all affiliation to the torn cloths that matched those on his thighs and shoulders; he shifted, badly hiding the fingers gripping the sill of his window tightly, and turned a deeper shade of red when Dwalin stalks towards him purposefully, very much ready to earn the right to court this beautiful dwarf, even if he had to out-fuck the King himself.


	14. "Fili and Thranduil, Mirkwood interrogation sex!", slash, The Hobbit

####  [ThornyHedge](../../../users/ThornyHedge/pseuds/ThornyHedge):

> Oooh. I can't log onto Tumblr at work... but here's a prompt for you...
> 
> [Fili and Thranduil, Mirkwood interrogation sex!](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64297806535/thornyhedge-oooh-i-cant-log-onto-tumblr-at)

Whatever the original intent, any upper-level intellect was dropped into the deepest caverns of the royal residence along with Thranduil's kingly propriety and common sense; fingers nearly ripped the sturdy bedding with the vicious and precise thrusts from beneath him, the King's brows tightened desperately while the cocky prince of smaller stature reversed their roles, demanding answers and fulfilling any and all rumours pertaining to Dwarf's strong will and durability.


	15. "someone who actually doesn't like chocolate", Gandalf/Dori + Thorin, slash, The Hobbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this is hilarious, because i don’t actually like chocolate. i like it as a drink, at most. bitter. smooth. milky.

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [someone who actually doesn't like chocolate](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64311412433/someone-who-actually-doesnt-like-chocolate)

Thorin crouches below the window, clothes caked with mud and a drenched carton in his arms, laden with chocolates; this was utterly unfair, that sodden WIzard tricked him, if only he hadn’t sought him for advice,  _he’d_ be the one having his arse spanked red by Dori the Power Bottom, instead of half-drowning in the shrubbery!

 


	16. Thranduil/Thrór, slash, the Hobbit

> [dwarfsmut](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=LPcHv2k-2BjVyBJlfmxLZKwqJEmnDZmhAebliD9KINEU3ptsxaFWo44IHMR8rJL6L-2BIggI8Sr6y5h4jY4PfUMHO0n9ScxMUS6i3kH7B1MMxk-2BMsvDi4UcZSh1iTeJ33wmPsSreLHPkTKTp9cu3vkShGLYAnCWb-2FxIjNyPZ1UQKq0w-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwhyEt2f0UTbaqHZfslXMnDwDOhMFddIa9TkUUUTnggjuGUrsuBbGxoew0V7-2FnTCB8P7lxxC8-2F10AUvYkVWMLUbAxldAkl5broqm151YLNTcUbvj-2BOu5C6UuhWsc-2Bv5yKLsECFlnQeq6tKNt71o177pIcAeDTxhqqDapaWq22GJ0X5MNdo2e8jJ2b7zM-2BSwhpFgemC8KdQOIRmjnFXDOosR2) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75ohwqdzAYg8lsVg6hQ1Yk1g-2FdIENBVXM4da1rApDP28IjCZNvLYlRK0GPz0QnIyc97lFuNs1P3J7YCQOIzrePjIM6NSVJ8oSJ9wEd8VIfBtgpwlol2ako345myRYcfYuHE8qH1iwzDo0Goy5TltRwe5-2FR8sYm52tpKQLGDiMT4ejtqvGVotEt1gt39b7LEKjSks-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwhyEt2f0UTbaqHZfslXMnDwwsk0-2BvEKjTyMBsKGjugYva-2FIzD07kYDjA5qg1b7iHRKSokHtkmPCJKxWTyYVek7e3E00AAewI9z3Aa834N2APoOuGP4ynb4vWPxNWJHEnkLN69ebJ4M4iQ8LdbUhMPQdL36HTmwK78vpzVAtGLFLbe-2FAT5zF0Un8PNXGZWzvYN5RIu-2BbKxDq-2FAHoCeDZaXGN): [thranduil and thror :3](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64311651979/dwarfsmut-replied-to-pandeimos-thranduil-and)

Thranduil sank into the cushions, giving himself over to their warm embrace while Thror, so young and so eager, hums on his skin, vibrating the very core of the Elvenking; long, slender fingers reached down to tangle with rough wiry hair, and he banished the half-assed guilt trying to creep into his soul, corrupting the young Crown Prince of Erebor…


	17. "no one can resist Ori", Ori/Thorin+Dwalin, slash, the Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [no one can resist Ori](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64313770031/no-one-can-resist-ori)

This was impropriety at its worst: the Captain of the guards simply does not mount the King, and the King certainly does not offer himself like a turkey for the stuffing, it was simply not done; that said, when Ori grabs you by the balls and whisper terrible sweetness in your ears, common sense leaks out and the stuffing begins.


	18. "in love with everyone (the hobbit)", Bilbo/Everyone, slash, The Hobbit (using that bandit song from Tangled)

[veraverorum](http://veraverorum.tumblr.com/) asked: [in love with everyone (the hobbit)](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64331135586/in-love-with-everyone-the-hobbit)

Ori is on his way to be a concert pianist, Kili is a reknown for romance novels (under a pseudonym, of course) and Bifur is a florist; Bombur does interior design; Dori is into mime, Fili’s cupcakes are sublime; Thorin knits, Bofur sews, Nori has little puppet shows, and Dwalin collects little ceramic unicorns; and Bilbo… well, he no longer desired isolated solitude and a mountain full of gold.


	19. "Phone", Kili/Dori, slash, The Hobbit

[tagath](http://tagath.tumblr.com/) asked: [phone](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64331633006/phone)

At first, it was torture, receiving so many indecent messages and pictures (and even one video!), and with ever passing moment Kili planned his revenge; but the sight of his lover, sweet, powerful, pillar of morality Dori as he blushes his way through his technologically-challenged apologies, the younger man grinned darkly, and sucked, licked, bit and ground his way into Dori’s now-dysfunctional short-term memory, doing every single thing the older man wrote, picture and videoed to him throughout the entire week.


	20. "Slipping"; Ori/Thorin, slash, The Hobbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ([yeah, i saw this :B](http://vulvetta-lamentosa.tumblr.com/post/64777429932/bloggingbouthomogay-kind-of-an-old-one-got))

> [veraverorum](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=Z-2FTx-2F1U3iXhjFW-2BOoXkuOWTowTs3lGv5hlOXAPpBsNb9bN1QT1xuexcjf9pXh0xrp5MXH8d-2BRWPDBkGOBAvd6Tb-2B2l-2Fz-2FMAJRcF7CpZ4HIKa-2FZf7J-2FPG4zsR3tFhTwfsaCbnu055r-2BuQsHb9BkJyVhmOAWAIJbPKhJsHpglkIJ4-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwjyUfGLUq57CTweibyfMEyK1cmKHTMSHZSH6ZhKMlGMQKHxZbV1OazylDZyUSESERNKRBx06iK0gdXXzek1LY1Kptm7hBsvJ6yRarkMgJdAtBdfj-2F9XZ7b8gaJU-2Fh-2FqyCHbQbVFWCT6v4qiJMXIpsj3EdrDq-2BqJHjvTUXYHiLAR9NrVwq3dx09w-2FvHb5CKMT9c-3D) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75ojIovYsjMi7J9fhP5LBv0W6JVSfazGB2Q2czFycbjgi-2F0CllskMBjFXV1ETawdf18u8KUWMgSqfG2Q-2BBRDVF53Ci5YuMeaEspTKkMKII-2FSAkOGi0swg71PrcI-2BwlpAJPos8d8T7k4Y3-2Bc0N8RkwNC1zApcIX1uie-2FI78x6xZEBY2Kpr6zl4i7eoLG17WchuqAY-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwjyUfGLUq57CTweibyfMEyKnQoX-2Bdxtqqjn2lDiDN7fGd3Gjdlpe-2Bfq6s40OfYfHd919Sh-2BsY4mkpL6p5oeQJqg7ExWcUfZBqnNCuBT7yIxv54j3RaWA-2BvY6E6u47OGwO-2Bh7aseYUDvemEl1eZoSL4HshQzn1sF7sfZdsybZbOrqgBiFcUNqo1T8ZfP-2BPd-2Fbjs-3D): Slipping

His eyelids were drooping, his vision swimming while his head was heavy and muddled and full of endorphins; Thorin let himself be pushed deeper into the bed, fisting his hair while Ori occupied himself with loosening the royal thighs, relishing the wonderful first-row view of the happy leaking cock, feet slipping on the purple sheets.


	21. Ori/Fíli, The Hobbit, slash

> [dwarfsmut](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=LPcHv2k-2BjVyBJlfmxLZKwqJEmnDZmhAebliD9KINEU3ptsxaFWo44IHMR8rJL6L-2BIggI8Sr6y5h4jY4PfUMHO0n9ScxMUS6i3kH7B1MMxk-2BMsvDi4UcZSh1iTeJ33wmPsSreLHPkTKTp9cu3vkShGLYAnCWb-2FxIjNyPZ1UQKq0w-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwi4rlJjgbMcRJ1QUU3llE6QoZtqhAQW-2FUNr-2FjNWqavLcCj6zhkkFZImlgs-2B6NJP8fsPqOfJtBcZkjwUc0i1CNQvQgL9D65JcAqRg-2F7lWs-2F5L2FrU6jjlG3HYuibpggfBO8fF86QC-2FxR3xMLRXK-2B36e5P7DY2r-2FhpMcgANyCPRCKKKEBSqPtqBYUgbZosOjQXNyXG8khjMD6kLj4jWQyWcCd) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75oja9VFGCgxS79KrwPQXXK1UOg1H-2BP1v6e0Qc6mgaMIwXKTxPQ1cWQmb0cN07u8N-2F9bN6aodmZF-2BrXQdewth366h7QAi1JlC5HPUuEU6eQ2nBqWY-2BJyGbchXk2GaRxHV37180cNBzLDNrZlZ9zLso-2F3DkwKOa6Ld7Cp-2FaAbhrFhYpvyi5MFM8T8fy4YAwXyK57g-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwi4rlJjgbMcRJ1QUU3llE6Q661RKMr077ogqKlzCDzWzWETYSgxasNu7Zt9VBtPtER5ic-2F1sTC1Gxw8mW6Rz-2FkST8QxyqYyWqbytr2oVG2nGawfRPmiGKWErd8H40d9kjlbGVE7Ai2xr05Qx3SF7mG0XP3iKhA-2BEKswKYK7hnZIfdQP1njVi6F8JNvIlC0H0-2BPvTk020V5cou-2FG-2FX9thAoG): [ori and fili](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/65897391375/dwarfsmut-replied-to-pandeimos-ori-and-fili)

Fili’s face is red-hot, smothered in endless mounds of cushions that drown his whining, which pitched higher when his genital restraints tightened in Ori’s playful hands; he worked very hard to learn what he could from Nori, lessons he put into generous use as he watched the lovely bubble butt bouncing in front of him.


	22. Thorin/Azog, The Hobbit, Femslash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [#NON HUMAN PHYSIOLOGY](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/NON-HUMAN-PHYSIOLOGY) [#orcs have cloacas and dwarves all have shafts](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/orcs-have-cloacas-and-dwarves-all-have-shafts) [#think big bird and hyenas](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/think-big-bird-and-hyenas) [#this is all part of my headcanon so if you don't know it just accept it](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/this-is-all-part-of-my-headcanon-so-if-you-don%27t-know-it-just-accept-it) [#this is where i challenge homonid genitalia in foreign species](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/this-is-where-i-challenge-homonid-genitalia-in-foreign-species) [#don't be weirded out](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/don%27t-be-weirded-out) [#it's like having vaginal AND buttsex at the same time](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/it%27s-like-having-vaginal-AND-buttsex-at-the-same-time) [#sort of](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/sort-of) [#i think](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/i-think) [#it's complicated](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/tagged/it%27s-complicated)

> @dwarfsmut said: [ fem thorin and azog xD! yes please do  ](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/66358449503/dwarfsmut-said-fem-thorin-and-azog-xd-yes)

Neither had expected Dwarf and Orc physiologies being so different, the logistics were nearly impossible, and this was a chellenge to be met with great gusto, Azog clenching her cloaca, unused to and completely entranced by the new sensations, around Thorin’s phallus.


	23. "Roleplay", Dwalin/Nori, the Hobbit, femslash

 

 

[veraverorum](http://veraverorum.tumblr.com/) asked: [Roleplay - the Hobbit](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/69193622712/roleplay-the-hobbit)

 Dwalin lay on her front, knees spread wide and far while Nori rutted against her hindquarters, fake cock sliding quite happily from Nori’s sex to Dwalin’s arse, fluids dripping obscenely from Nori’s quivering folds down Dwalin’s tightening testicles; Nori adjusted the armour on her shoulders, too loose for her comparatively fragile frame, and delivered a loud spank to her lover’s thighs, jostling her shaking grip from the shackles she was trying to pick, ears ringing from Dwalin’s very loud, very lovely whimpers.

(context: roleplay, nori the guard in dwalin’s old armour, dwalin the prisoner has nori’s old shackles)

(happy femslash friday)


	24. "devour", Jason/Pythagoras, slash, BBC Atlantis

[dasistdochdiehaselnuss](http://dasistdochdiehaselnuss.tumblr.com/) asked: "[devour](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64121764664/devour)"

Jason leans back against the softly cushioned  _klinē,_  arms full of eagerly bouncing mathematician; he smiles lazily, leisurely fingering the rumpled cloths around their bodies, enjoying the sweet sounds coming out of the swollen mouth and taking much more pleasure in filling those cheeks with sticky honey-roasted candied almonds.


	25. "Heavy", Jason/Pythagoras, slash BBC Atlantis

[dasistdochdiehaselnuss](http://dasistdochdiehaselnuss.tumblr.com/) asked: proposal for one-line smutfic: "[heavy](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64116580897/proposal-for-one-line-smutfic-heavy)"

Jason  buried his nose in Pythagoras’ neck, inhaling with delight as skilled fingers clenched around his biceps; he hummed while heavily gyrating into the willing arse, the older man pliable after a day’s worth of admiring Jason’s arms full of groceries


	26. "callgirlbynight!Pythagoras", Jason/Pythagoras, slash, Atlantis

[pythag-rp](http://pythag-rp.tumblr.com/) reblogged this from [pandeimos](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/) and added: [Jagoras,](http://pythag-rp.tumblr.com/post/64121775706) [callgirlbynight!Pythagoras](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64124571182/pythag-rp-reblogged-this-from-pandeimos-and)

Pythagoras drops the small bundle of coins to grab the dark curls above him; wide doe eyes stare at him, cheeks rosy with novelty and arousal, and Pythagoras licks supple lips hungrily, set on giving Jason the mind-blowing experience he worked so hard to purchase.


	27. "trust", Jason/Pythagoras, slash, BBC Atlantis

[dasistdochdiehaselnuss](http://dasistdochdiehaselnuss.tumblr.com/) asked: "[trust](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64127681143/trust-if-youre-still-doing-these)"

Jason removes his hand from Pythagoras’ leaking member and stuffs sticky fingers in a receptive mouth, drawing out a long and tender whine; Jason relishes it, and puts his back into thanking the man who, having only met him the day before, risked his everything to save him from the guards.


	28. "spikes", Jason/Pythagoras, slash, BBC Atlantis

[dasistdochdiehaselnuss](http://dasistdochdiehaselnuss.tumblr.com/) asked: "[spikes](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64222480377/spikes)"

Jason grins widely, relishing how Pythagoras’ eyes cross every time his prostate is nudged and how his toes drag against Jason’s socks, moist with sweat and mud and grass stains; as soon as Jason noticed how the older boy’s eyes glazed over, he dropped by after practice more often, and for much longer, purposely dragging his cleats in the mud for any and all little breathy gasps he could tempt out of him.


	29. "Smut" Jason/Pythagoras, slash, BBC Atlantis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using the Jagoras tag, because the tumblr tag Python already has cure lil snakes and we should leave them at that.  
> awww pythons <3

anonymous asked: [jagoras/python (whatever we're calling it) smut](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64395616795/jagoras-python-whatever-were-calling-it-smut)

Pythagoras’ eyes flutter shut, soft lashes dusting over flushed cheeks; Jagoras pulled his head back by his hair and dragged his teeth and tongue against the sensitive throat, and thrusts deep and hard and biting the flesh to drag out a needy moan, grabs twitching thighs and pulls them higher up his waist.


	30. "Trouble", Scott/Isaac, slash, Teen Wolf

anonymous asked: [trouble](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64377074001/trouble)

Wild curls bounce, come sticking to flushed skin, Scott returns that cocky smirk with a shaky breath, fisting the leather jacket hanging off Isaac’s shoulder; Scott arches, Isaac squeezes around him tighter, tighter, and crap they’re in trouble if his mum finds them fucking in the supply closet again…


	31. "Bristles", Stiles/Derek, slash, Teen Wolf

anonymous asked: [bristles](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64218120405/bristles)

Blunt nails and sweaty palms chase the shiver along the spine, spreading bodily fluids liberally and grabbing the cropped hair at the base of the neck, only to shove the gasping creature deeper into the bedding; Stiles leans forward, inhaling the musk and listens keenly to bristles scratching bedcloths, squelching orifices and desperate moans pouring from Derek’s mouth.


	32. lingerie shopping, Lydia/ALlison, Teen Wolf, femslash

[veraverorum](http://veraverorum.tumblr.com/) asked: [LydiaAllison lingerie shopping :3](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/66357990024/lydiaallison-lingerie-shopping-3)

When Lydia dragged her out to _go lingerie shopping and try out some cute bras_ , Allison didn’t think she meant _testing their tensile strength and duress_ , but here she was, black lace stretched over her bruised ass, nipples stuck awkwardly out of an askew matching bra, breath stuck in her chest and eyes crossing for up her skull she could see stars, trying to keep her moans on the tip of her tongue while Lydia’s tongue ran over her tip.


	33. "Hunter & Prey", Danny/Isaac, Teen Wolf, slash

[veraverorum](http://veraverorum.tumblr.com/) asked: [Hunter&Prey](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/69419565140/hunter-prey-fandom-of-your-choice-uwu) (fandom of your choice uwu)

Danny worked his fingers, eager, around the swelling at the base of the cock in his hands; Isaac mewled against the bark, high and soft, melted against the solid, panting figure behind him; Danny nudged his trembling legs further apart, kicking the crossbow he borrowed from Allison into the bushes, and rutted rhythmically against luscious buttocks, relishing the feel of quivering flesh between his fingers.


	34. "Duty", Ragnar/Athelstan, slash, Vikings

> [veraverorum](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=Z-2FTx-2F1U3iXhjFW-2BOoXkuOWTowTs3lGv5hlOXAPpBsNb9bN1QT1xuexcjf9pXh0xrp5MXH8d-2BRWPDBkGOBAvd6Tb-2B2l-2Fz-2FMAJRcF7CpZ4HIKa-2FZf7J-2FPG4zsR3tFhTwfsaCbnu055r-2BuQsHb9BkJyVhmOAWAIJbPKhJsHpglkIJ4-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwjkeMDhL6p1i8ScK-2B3g-2FJUfCsTWw2Y98z7wj6kj-2F71iX3IbWDvcCXkLRKfew-2FQ06rX0VQdfNj4zccs5D3meANiZWCN1xszdB1ie36B8i1HHOwLmZIQpoiRVpFA9PkiCQSUiE-2BuRXinWDMYbGIskQgwxD-2BfUis7gPDoz24wlBtveKTC-2BQTR1iuweJk-2FPXsx4YuI-3D) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75ohfUJO0fLK2ovz4bpGbtqZ90WFSj2DBEEak5wdgvlb8424wKaB7Bq41-2BqTM4-2Bnlsnwd4AZEl7DWcgMbb9lu4ztRQeROdizySAmKkAaDCGtgmc0e33KHbXlD1TBrVu7bgXr7mM0-2FDoX0vpacECXrEJgIG4W-2B7-2FB-2BrPac8KrGSM8WLQ-3D-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwjkeMDhL6p1i8ScK-2B3g-2FJUfwL0RK6w2gg8E9Amc-2FXQ-2FZMostrmWbgzryisNW7eCgPH6VAWZemUDpBzWiTC42s88BeD91BFOxI-2F1MJr4sS6-2BuB2qFMWmqxz0SUKWt4lSzNyb7s5hDaNZ7HSTXk8qMET93SzGsep3gWcSLqhiqWz-2FufXz-2Ft0tmHtFimOYu2R61SY-3D): [RagnarAthelstan duty](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64279991801/veraverorum-replied-to-pandeimos-ragnarathelstan) 

Servitude and obeisance where values of his faith, Athelstan repeats to himself from his position between his master’s thighs, and if his brothers knew he used his fingers to press against hard muscle, to draw rumbles out of the depths of that deep, rugged throat… it certainly was no terminal sin to enjoy fielty.


	35. Ragnar/Athelstan, slash, Vikings

> [heartofoshun](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=QTuS4XUBKvSWM3PSOGs8eLVPAeebXCrjKcZJzZEIO5dOEiA8ZhUyuN7kQzjl0W499w9BuQR0dXmVXuBCfcRAsSBxoSVGTivbtrLjltYIehnbMwffvyWPGugb3Mw-2FJsirL2JZxUjg14L6-2FP4HUGs-2BZTjUdkgAM6PWt0jL-2Bgth4OU-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwgoBTIvMEnlxukcc1Oupa5AvdFDRSWYZGvLV3xbkXdc2FrEMYra0S3o5RiK29peug4Wmri19nmCM3-2FF8r-2FjwalaViUtPqXBOlQj051nl4F2kMFAyS1svHibMOB4zi3uW7tjg01YB1GHIYBKeOtan6vaO8UjMFOX6JNfRJDwo9Aj9cbF9eO6TarfcDSsyZ7-2BaWQ-3D) replied to [pandeimos](http://mx.tumblr.com/wf/click?upn=XVb7Z1kC09N7Nullx8wjOZgjO1mUyfA3boN4-2Fdf75ohwqdzAYg8lsVg6hQ1Yk1g-2FdIENBVXM4da1rApDP28IjCZNvLYlRK0GPz0QnIyc97lFuNs1P3J7YCQOIzrePjIM6NSVJ8oSJ9wEd8VIfBtgpwlol2ako345myRYcfYuHE8qH1iwzDo0Goy5TltRwe5-2FR8sYm52tpKQLGDiMT4ejtqvGVotEt1gt39b7LEKjSks-3D_KA0NrSwWQhJQgkbWZcHS7I61pZUzxgyt08hLYbjfRwgoBTIvMEnlxukcc1Oupa5A1qS-2B9fKNuj-2Fs2Nc7wRnfvoozbyzmSzc9UOQhpRGj8pHF3eFNjn8T412igbdSeIcnBWYVvLhNhCF070rjBTnaJh2biWv-2BnrkhhnhrmAfUVRkuJiVOEpDW88vFyN3FyEE-2BPWoLR4ymGJ1EY8dgm7ip5-2BJHs1hDgUWIx2fGoH2IRCs-3D): [Ragnar/Athelstan](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/64313761704/heartofoshun-replied-to-pandeimos)

Rough hands were tied together in supplication, Ragnar hanged his head low to touch his forehead with his fingers, trying to keep still as the doe-eyed lad behind him tightened his arms and pulled him closer, and he shakes strongly from the simple sensation that is another’s skin on his own, and he thinks he would gladly learn more of these “good values” if this is how he gets to learn them.


End file.
